I was about to say ‘it’s becoming extraordinarily difficult to watch soccer matches on television,’ but that’s not the case at all. Rather, it’s still difficult to watch soccer matches on television.

Take the opening match of the U.S. national team this World Cup. I called a local bar and asked a simple question: ‘Hey, are you showing the U.S./Czech Republic match later today?’

The non-response spoke volumes: ‘Umm, what? What game?’

You couldn’t find a seat in the house come halftime, however. The bar was completely unprepared for the onslaught of customers, and I don’t think I had a drink in hand until the 70th minute. Today, however, I’m going to a pub that is not only receptive to the idea of soccer fans, but actively encouraging.

Which brings me to the point: Why is it so difficult to find somewhere to watch a soccer match on television? I’ve been collecting theories on why America dislikes soccer so much, and present some of the more cohesive arguments here:

Reason the first: Soccer is boring. Low scores, not much action, 0-0 draws count as a result, all that. But then again, I’ve been to a few Cubs games where the team doesn’t score at all. And any given baseball game has maybe 30 minutes of action punctuated by long bouts of sitting and waiting and drinking beer and talking to your friends. It’s more a backdrop for consumption and conversation.

Reason the second: We didn’t invent soccer. This one was a bit more interesting, going as far to say that anything we hold dear in the national psyche - baseball, American football, reality shows - are things that we invent as independent, we’re-the-best-and-that’s-that Americans. I wish I could lay claim to this theory, as it could prove rich for strip-mining the national character, but it’s directly from Dave Eggers’ The Thinking Fan’s Guide to the World Cup. As he writes:

‘… as a nation of loony but determined inventors, we prefer things we thought of ourselves. The most popular sports in America are those we conceived and developed on our own: football, baseball, basketball. If we can claim at least part of the credit for something, as with tennis or the radio, we are willing to be passively interested. But we did not invent soccer, and so we are suspicious of it.’

Reason the third: Soccer is for commies.With the few exceptions, America became aware of this strange sport sometime in the ’80s, when the Berlin Wall was falling and communism was fast becoming fodder for Len Deighton thrillers instead of a real threat. It was this weird thing played behind the Iron Curtain where leftist pinkos didn’t use their hands, unlike the good, hardworking and capitalist citizens of America. And it hasn’t overcome that stigma.

Reason the fourth: Televised soccer and ads don’t mix. I have to say this one is growing on me. With no stoppage between plays for the entirety of the 45-minute halves, networks are unwilling to give airtime to that sort of unbroken programming, because time is money, after all. The only ads shown are small thumbnails for Budweiser or Adidas, not full-blown commercials. And without that constant televised exposure, it’s difficult to capture the hearts of the fickle American public.

After all, Taylor Hicks’ new single just hit number one. Where would America be without television?

Here’s to the U.S. national team, though … tough third game coming up. I think they can pull it off, and I’m off to friendly confines to watch the match.