An item in the paper today pointed me in the direction of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - let’s ignore for a moment that I previously had no idea such a division of the government existed, but hey, someone has to study substances and mental health - and the Chicago metropolitan area was given quite the superlative. Quoting the agency’s ‘Substance Use in the 15 Largest Metropolitan Statistical Areas: 2002-2005′ report:

Among the 15 largest [Metropolitan Statistical Areas], the Chicago (25.7 percent) and Houston (25.6 percent) MSAs had higher rates of binge drinking than the national average (22.7 percent). … binge alcohol use is defined as drinking five or more drinks on the same occasion (i.e., at the same time or within a couple of hours of each other) on at least 1 day in the past 30 days. [italics mine]

Read the rest of the study

The responsible, rational part of me wants to decry these results, calling them ‘irresponsible’ and ‘reprehensible’ and other such pejorative terms, but another part of me wants to take at least partial credit for such a momentous achievement. To be called be called dedicated imbibers of adult beverages is one thing, but to be the absolute top of the charts in terms of per capita consumption should get me a gold medal or a blue ribbon or something. Just how much of that ranking am I responsible for, I wonder? Hmm …

• 2005 Chicago census: 9.4 million residents
• Incidence of Chicago binge-drinking: 25.7 percent
• Thus, number of Chicago binge-drinkers: 2,415,800

So at one of 2,415,800 people, I’m 0.0000414 percent of the binge crowd. I’m making t-shirts. Go team binge-drink Chicago!