I really, really enjoy a good Bill Simmons column. He’s one of those hyper-pop-culture-literate, funny writers that knows how to turn a phrase AND make you say ‘yep, that’s pretty much how it is.’ He’s just like Chuck Klosterman - who, incidentally, is another Page 2 columnist, whose book Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story felt like something I would have written after a two-week-blackout mescaline binge and immediately forgot I created - and his blog work on Sunday night’s Grammy Awards was spot-on.

I don’t, however, read his stuff all that frequently; while I get all his music and pop references, I don’t follow arcane sports references like ‘I have a new favorite player: Chase Budinger, the Arizona freshman best described as a taller Thunder Dan Majerle with a 45-inch vertical leap,’ which is in his current column.

A few notes on his annotated notes:

8:22 — The Black Eyed Peas come out to introduce “Best R&B album.” I saw Fergie at the Celebrity Go-Kart Race last week and she was so unimpressive, my friends and I argued about whether she was one of the top 1,000 attractive famous females on the way home. I’m not making this up. (Note: I was in the “there are definitely 1,000 female celebs who are prettier than her” camp.)

We’re not going to play a game called ‘I said the same thing in late 2005.‘ We’re just not going to do that. Amen, my good man.

8:34 – It’s a tie between Justin Timberlake and Chase Budinger for “white guy who does the best job transcending his whiteness.” Justin Timberlake is performing right now, although he made the tragic decision not to sing “D*** in a Box.” Hey, it’s OK to think he’s talented, right? Two hit albums AND he’s one of the best SNL hosts ever AND he sold at the highest point possible on Britney’s stock AND he wrote the best revenge song ever (the “Cry Me A River” song that pretty much murdered Britney’s soul) AND he’s plowing through every hot female in Hollywood right now. He’s a hero, I say.

Ditto. Justin’s my new non-sexual man-crush.

9:58 — Sports Gal’s take on Rascal Flatts: “I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. I hate everything about them. I hate their name. I hate their music. I hate the lead singer’s voice. I hate his hair. I hate his leather jacket. I hate everything. What are they? I wouldn’t even hire them for a wedding if I only had $15,000 to spend on everything.” She’s not a fan.

Again, ditto. Does anyone - anyone? - like this band? Anyone?

10:26 — “Thursday on all-new CSI: Bloody decomposing hookers! You hear us??? Bloody decomposing hookers!”

This is why I don’t watch TV. I prefer to make snide comments from the sidelines.