Places have different meanings for different people. I’m not that big a fan of, say, St. Louis, as bad things happen every time I’m there.

Yesterday morning, however, I found myself in Denver, a city where only the most insane of things happen to me. On my first visit, I drank seven Long Island Iced Teas and ended up at a club where I was frisked by a masked man, because it was the venue’s policy to search all entrants for weapons. The second time I was here – for a business trip this time – I was told explicitly by my boss that I was allowed to have a good time, but that I needed to be ready by 9 a.m. the following morning, as it was my turn to drive.

So I stayed up until 5:15 and, when roused by my supervisor because it was, you know, my turn to drive, I believe I looked directly at him and said ‘What’s your problem, man?’

That didn’t go over so well.

In any case, I was expecting nothing less than the second coming of Christ while I was in Denver this time. While the Rapture didn’t happen, exactly, in the first two days I’ve been here I’ve experienced the following:

- a shooting at the state capitol, which is three-quarters of a mile from my hotel

- one of the people I’m staying with storming off at dinner on the first night and refusing to talk to us for the next hour, causing quite a scene in the restaurant;

- a tour of the Flying Dog brewery, which features label artwork by Ralph Steadman, the artist for Hunter S. Thompson. Nothing noteworthily insane happened here, but it was twelve kinds of hip.

- and the near-coup de grace, when a bicyclist weaving in and out of Denver traffic during rush hour was absolutely annihilated by a car. We’re talking flying, arms and legs akimbo, in the air and rolling up on the hood destroyed. The guy got up and walked away, somehow, but the woman driving our car was in no state to continue driving.

So I found myself in the non-enviable position of having the guy in the back seat run out and check on this accident victim, leaving me with a hysterical woman behind the wheel of my own car while I tried to frantically re-route us to find where this bicyclist (and the guy in our car, who chased this miraculously walking man to try and convince him to go to the hospital) during rush hour in a major city, all while trying to process what had just happened.

Don’t worry: It turns out the guy was okay and refused our entreaties to take him to the hospital. The rest of the night, thankfully, was low-key in comparison.

Day Three brings the end of the urban portion of this vacation, as we head to the summit of Pikes Peak (and hopefully get away from insanity). We’ll see, however, as with this luck there’s going to be a landslide or a mutant robot monkey attack.

A review of Transformers by my 12-year-old self

Transformers is awesome. Megatron rocked. Optimus Prime is a tractor-trailer who becomes an imperial badass and has a sword that comes out of his right arm. Starscream turns into an F-22 Raptor and shoots things with rockets. It was loud. The girl was hot. Transformers kicks ass. You should see Transformers.

A review of Transformers that is merely an aggregation of other reviews

Yes, it’s loud, explosive and silly, but it also perfectly embodies the concept of a summer blockbuster with its simple good-guys-vs.-bad-guys plot, cheeky humor and flawless special effects.

A classic Michael Bay mega-movie. Interested in plot and character development? Move along. You’re blocking the view.

The final scene is pure teen wish fulfillment: Imagine making out with your girlfriend on the hood of your sentient Camaro, as your own personal robot bodyguard looks on fondly (all right, that part’s a little creepy).

8-year-olds of all ages, prepare to storm the multiplex!

Bay, at heart, isn’t a fantasist; he’s a literal-minded maestro of demolition.

It’s all about the sheer visceral rush of mega action.

And the final analysis

And that, my friends, is how best to describe Transformers, the movie: Five-dollar words and $25 million special effects used to make a 12-year-old giddy. In short, it was awesome.