A review of Transformers by my 12-year-old self

Transformers is awesome. Megatron rocked. Optimus Prime is a tractor-trailer who becomes an imperial badass and has a sword that comes out of his right arm. Starscream turns into an F-22 Raptor and shoots things with rockets. It was loud. The girl was hot. Transformers kicks ass. You should see Transformers.

A review of Transformers that is merely an aggregation of other reviews

Yes, it’s loud, explosive and silly, but it also perfectly embodies the concept of a summer blockbuster with its simple good-guys-vs.-bad-guys plot, cheeky humor and flawless special effects.

A classic Michael Bay mega-movie. Interested in plot and character development? Move along. You’re blocking the view.

The final scene is pure teen wish fulfillment: Imagine making out with your girlfriend on the hood of your sentient Camaro, as your own personal robot bodyguard looks on fondly (all right, that part’s a little creepy).

8-year-olds of all ages, prepare to storm the multiplex!

Bay, at heart, isn’t a fantasist; he’s a literal-minded maestro of demolition.

It’s all about the sheer visceral rush of mega action.

And the final analysis

And that, my friends, is how best to describe Transformers, the movie: Five-dollar words and $25 million special effects used to make a 12-year-old giddy. In short, it was awesome.